3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
