At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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