so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
