I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
