there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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