No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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