The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
