So drunk its hurt
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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