Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
