I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently you make a good broom.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
