wakey wakey hands off snakey
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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