So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I believe in your delicious
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
