so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
