Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
