My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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