i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
