After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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