when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
