I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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