I just made out with a guy for $7.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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