just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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