just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
