I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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