youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
