And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
