i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
