There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
