Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize