Do you still have your period?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
