community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
