i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
two words...techno handjob
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
