Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
