I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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