Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
