from now on my penis is your penis
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
