we have officially lost it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
