we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
