Barsexuality is the new black.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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