there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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