woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
