And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
