apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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