1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
