i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
