There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
