There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My balls are so social today.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
