We're like a lot better than the average bears
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
