we're blogging at a bar
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish you could order shots online.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
