i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
