I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
