butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
