You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize