I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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