seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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