i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
