Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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