I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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