if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
