Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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