i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
