You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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