Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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