So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
