I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
