just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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