with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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