It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
