dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
