Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
A bitchslap is in order.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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