my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
